Pacesetters Bible School: Bible Questions

Question 12: Sex Before Marriage Please tell me if there is a command for not having sex before marriage anywhere in the Bible. A: If you are looking for a commandment such as "Thou shalt not have sex before marriage" you won't find it in those words. What you will find is the assumption in the Hebrew scriptures that a young lady would be a virgin when married. This is repeated throughout the Torah (Pentateuch), with special instructions for priests (Leviticus 21:1-9), and even tougher restrictions for the High Priest (Leviticus 21:10-16). If a man had sex with a girl before they were committed to one another, he was required to marry her, unless her father refused (Exodus 22:16-17). In the New Testament, the Greek word "porneia," normally translated by the English "fornication" seems to generally refer to all forms of sex outside of marriage (See Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, "porneia" and Interpreter's Dictionary of the Bible "fornication").

In the light of this, perhaps it would be good to consider Paul's admonition in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20:

(18) Flee fornication. Every sin whatsoever that a person might commit is outside the body, but the person who commits fornication sins against his or her own body. (19) Or don't you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God and you are not your own? (20) For God paid a price for you! So glorify God in your body. [Translation by the Author].

But I'd like to suggest a different approach. I often tell my classes that the key to getting the right answers is first finding the right questions. You are looking for the things that we are commanded not to do. I'd suggest instead looking for the ideal--what God proposes as the best way to live and to conduct our lives.

This was what Jesus did when he was asked about divorce. In his answer, he goes back to the ideal.

(3) Some Pharisees came to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?" (4) Jesus answered, "Have you not read that the one who created them in the beginning made them male and female? (5) And God said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, and will cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' (6) So they are no longer two, but rather one flesh. So what God has joined, nobody should separate. (7) They said to him, "Why then does Moses command, 'Give her a certificate of divorce and let her go?' (8) He answered them, "Because of your hard hearts Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but it was not this way from the beginning."
-- Matthew 19:3-8

Note that Jesus admits there is a law that permits divorce. But he asks people to go back to the ideal God established--two people in a loving, committed relationship becoming one person. If they are really one, joined by God, how can they separate? Divorce becomes much less permissible and much less likely under these circumstances.

Now you may notice that the command applies largely to men in this instance. Jesus was not ignoring women. He actually improved the legal standing of the woman through this statement because a husband could not just send away his wife for any reason. He needed to have just cause to do so. In a more modern context we need to ask ourselves just how we can preserve the ideal (a permanent union of the two becoming one) under our particular circumstances.

So how does this apply to pre-marital sex?

If we are to pursue the ideal, we should not look for the things we have permission to do. We should ask what actions can I take that will lead to the ideal union that God describes in Genesis and Jesus reaffirms in Matthew 19. This ideal clearly can only be accomplished in a completely committed, singular relationship where the two become one. I suggest reading 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 again with that in mind.

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